Actually, I don’t know sports. I
don’t know anything about sports. Ever since I was a kid, I would awkwardly
stand around and listen to my classmates on the playground talk about their
Starting Lineup collections and their predictions for the upcoming Steelers
season. I never had any idea who or what they were talking about. And when it
came time to play football, I couldn’t make sense of a “first down” and the scoring
was beyond me.
Today, I still don’t know what a “first
down” means. And I still don’t know anything about the players (other than they’re
grossly overpaid). But since I’m a man and I sometimes wear T-shirts promoting my
local sports teams, a lot of people assume I know sports.
I hear things like:
“Whatcha think about Polamalu’s
chances at MVP this year?”
“What are your picks for the
playoffs?”
“What are your thoughts on the
Giant’s defense this year?”
“Did you catch the game?”
When I’m faced with questions
like these, I try to provide the vaguest of answers. I’m able to retain my man
status with answers like:
“It’s still anyone’s game!”
“Only time will tell.”
“I think they have a good/solid
chance.”
“They could go all the way.”
“You’re right. That sure was a
decent game.”
I do know a few things though. I’m
not completely clueless. I heard something about Zoltan… I think it’s related
to the Pirates. I really don’t know.
