Merry Holidays?

I woke up this morning to a magical winter wonderland. Thankfully, this wonderland had delayed garbage pickup and gave me a chance to take out the trash!

But this was no ordinary trash pickup. This was Christmas trash pickup and included bags filled with boxes, pretty wrapping, sticky bows and unnecessary ribbons.

So then I started thinking about the “keep Christ in Christmas” message I would occasionally see on the days leading up to Christmas. I would usually see this at Church entrances. But why?
Is this because the phrase “Happy Holidays” is replacing “Merry Christmas? (I must admit that I too have used “Happy Holidays” in certain things I publish since it appeals to a mass audience. Let’s face it; whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah or Kwanzaa, it’s still a holiday, right?)

Or is this a “too much commercialism” thing? Are Churches upset that we are spending too much time looking down at our mobile devices and not enough time looking for God?
But who is to blame for this trend? Should we blame the corporations for their successful marketing strategies? Are their campaigns TOO aggressive? Do we have a chance to say “no, thanks” to their products?

I went to the mall before Christmas and saw an over-the-top presentation for the Droid device – complete with an altar and tabernacle. Verizon is clearly spending some big bucks on ads and cardboard cutouts and the public is quick to give their money (not just for the phone, but for the service!).

I don’t know. Maybe I’m out of touch. Maybe I have different priorities. I know there are people out there that will go without food before they go without mobile internet. What’s going on here?

Maybe I’ll throw out my new GPS next week. Then again, it’s soooooo cool.

Epic Slumber

Have you ever had a good sleep? I mean a really good sleep? A sleep where you wake up at 3:00 AM feeling well-rested only to discover that it is in fact 3:00 AM and you can turn over and sleep from another angle?

Well I had such an experience last night and it was nothing short of phenomenal… and long awaited. I can’t remember the last time I had such an epic slumber.

I shifted into a deep rest fairly easily, letting my body slide from this world and into the land of Nod. The light of the moon snuck in thru the gap between the shades and the wall, leaving me to bask in its glow. It was not an eerie glow, but a soothing radiance. I received the most wonder moon tan while visions of sugarplums danced in my head. (Apparently, no matter how well I sleep, I cannot escape Christmas!)

Hopefully you too can experience such a memorable state of unconsciousness during this holiday season!

sNOw More of This!

If you live in Southwestern Pennsylvania (or just about anywhere along the East coast), you are likely aware of the recent snow falling. (If not, get up from your computer for a minute and look out the nearest window.)

So it looks like I’ll be indoors most of the day. Perhaps I’ll sit down with a piping cup of hot cocoa and listen to my seasonal favorites like “I Witnessed My Parents Engaging in Kinky Costumed Foreplay” (AKA “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”) and “The Rotting Corpse of Santa Claus” (AKA “The Chimney Song”).

A Tiger in the Bedroom?

So I basically can’t read or watch anything without hearing about the “tragedy” of Tiger Woods. But I have to be honest, I feel kind of sorry for the guy. I mean, all these years, he’s been a relatively quiet celebrity hardly saying anything over the years, and when he DID speak, it pertained to his game.

Now, all of the sudden, he’s a victim of public scrutiny. It’s kind of weird… but maybe that’s just the point. Perhaps it’s BECAUSE of his usual low-key behavior is why this is such a media circus. “Look at Tiger,” they say. “Who woulda thunk it?”

But you have to admit that Tiger is no Edward Cullen. He’s a mere Mike Newton… if anything. So how does an average, quiet family man hide a secret life of sleaze and scandal?

There are two possibilities. The first (and most obvious one) is the fame (or money). Tiger likely has no “game” whatsoever, but his face is recognizable almost anywhere. (Especially when he’s wearing a black Nike hat.) One look into those famous eyes, and you can see dollar signs!

The second (and probably more disturbing) possibility is that Tiger lives up to his name… and his game cannot be tamed! Like Shakira says…

“There’s a tiger in the closet… let him out so he can cheat!”

Pittsburgh Sports

How come everyone thinks I know all about sports just because I’m a guy?

“Ya think they’ll play Gonchar tonight?” someone will ask me once they see I’m wearing a Penguins T-shirt. “How the hell would I know,” I want to ask, but instead I shrug my shoulders, raise my eyebrows and say, “Who knows?”

This happens to me nearly every time there is a Steelers or Penguins day at work. On these days, staff is encouraged to wear their jeans along with their black and gold to promote their Pittsburgh pride and achieve a sense of community… or something like that.

Every Friday, a man comes in to deliver clean linens. He passes my office with his full linen cart and asks for my opinion on the last game as well as my prediction for the next one. Of course, I’m wearing either a Steelers or Penguins shirt as he talks to me, and so it looks as though I follow the season regularly. To him, I must look like a rabid fan. (I partially blame the scruffy beard.)

But he’s not the only one. Time and time again, I’ll get quizzed on the latest Pittsburgh sports news. I give the same answer over and over again – “Who knows?” Ambiguous, but it works.
It seems that I don’t have the heart (or guts) to tell these people that I’m not a rabid Pittsburgh sports fan and that I don’t know my Willey Parker from a Sergei Gonchar and who made a touchdown at the bottom of the ninth. It seems that if you’re not crazy about sports, you are labeled as a freak or a sissy.

Does anyone else experience this? Sometimes I wish I had the knowledge to confidently answer the interrogators’ questions with a “Yeah, I think Gonchar has what it takes to knock it out of the park, but with Ben on the sidelines, I don’t think they will keep the momentum going.”

What the hell is a Gonchar anyway?

Love Stinks?

A few days before my first wedding anniversary, I decided to go shopping at my local large chain card store for a card that said it all. I usually take little to no time searching for cards, but this one had to be the best.

After searching five minutes through the shockingly small “1 Year Anniversary” section, I chose a card that requested additional postage if mailed. (In most cases, the heavier the card, the “better” it is.)

As I made my way to the front of the store to purchase the card, I was nearly broadsided by one of the workers rushing to help another customer at the register. But as she crossed my path, she proceeded to crop dust! (For those of you unfamiliar with the term “crop dust,” it means “to fart while walking.” So I stopped to let this woman walk on through, hearing poop noises as she made each step.

Luckily, it didn’t stink. Sure, it was loud and proud, but not smelly. The only lesson I took from the experience is t hat sometimes love stinks… and sometimes it doesn’t. Marriage is a fart.

New Moon

Believe it or not, I went to see the over-anticipated New Moon. (If you are unfamiliar with the popular “Twilight Saga,” allow me to fill you in: It’s a story about a plain, boring girl who falls in love with an awkward pale freak who happens to be a vampire. The conflict? He wants to eat her.)

In this sequel, the main characters face another challenge – distance. The vampire “takes a holiday” like any well-respected Brit and blah blah blah. In an attempt to get over the absence of her blood sucker lover, the girl starts to fall for a childhood friend – who she later finds out is a werewolf. Awkward!

Now I will NOT spoil the movie for the rest of you, but I will say it is actually quite entertaining. A lot of action, some flashes of comedy and a whole lot more intense staring in the woods – the film has something for everyone. And the “teen wolf” is pretty hunky. I’m not into guys, but this guy’s a keeper. If I was in the movie, I would be “dancing with wolves.”

I didn’t see this film on my own. My wife made me see it. As a husband, I’m obligated to do these sorts of things once in a while.

The Write Stuff

Yes, it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, but I have an excuse. I’ve been busy.

And by “busy”, I mean real busy. I have more jobs than Ryan Seacrest at the moment, and it’s not for the money. (It’s for the glory!)

I’m involved with a lot of things (writing clubs, disc golf clubs, marriage, freelance writing and more) and I can honestly say that I haven’t had a chance to sit down and write my thoughts.

The last time we visited our mutual friends, Kristin and Scott (which I think was over a month ago now), Kristin was grillin’ me as to why I no longer post. I really had nothing more to say than what I’ve written above. But it’s the truth, and I hear it time and time again by others who are more and more busy every day. We are just too busy!

Plus, I also don’t have the luxury of having a big fat communications device that comes with its own skinny little stylus and tiny keypads that require me to grow my nails long so that I won’t hit four letters at once while typing. Those devices are too expensive and I believe I have yet to earn one. Sure, life’s crazy, but not so crazy that I need to have my email at my hip 24/7 and update my facebook status to let everyone know that I think the rain sucks.

I just wanted to tell anyone who may be missing me that I am fine and have not given up on writing. In fact, the very opposite is true. I’m writing more than ever (you just have to look harder to find it!).