The Number You Have Dialed...

How many times have you tried leaving a message and get the lengthy “the number you have dialed is not available” greeting? You know the one. In fact, you can probably recite the whole thing word for word and not even know it!

Sometimes this robot message comes after your friend’s personal greeting: “Hi, this is Tammy. I can’t take your call at this time, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll return your call. Thanks!” Then it’s followed by a robot with basically the same message: “The number you have dialed is not available. Please leave your message after the tone. To leave a callback number, press 5 now. When you are finished recording your message, hang up or press 1 for more options.” Really?! Who doesn’t know what to do after the beep at this point in human history?

Of course, one can bypass the message by dialing a secret number. But of course, that number is different with each person you call. Dialing 1 will work if you’re calling a Verizon customer, but is useless if you’re calling someone with T-Mobile. If you try to bypass the message but use the wrong number, you will undoubtedly extend the message with something like “We’re sorry. That is not an option,” followed by more nonsense.

I know it’s unlike me to complain about voicemail greetings. I admit it’s kind of pathetic, but it’s been a while since my last post and just had to share this little diatribe.

But maybe it’s more than that. Maybe I dislike the robot message because it’s so long that callers can often wait well over a minute simply waiting for the stupid tone at the end. Call me paranoid but I think it may also be a strategy for the phone companies to “cut” or “steal” some of customers’ minutes.

How often do you go over your minutes each month? Maybe I should ask how many of you check your statements each month. Does anyone actually call people anymore, or is it all texting now?

Restroom Confessions

One night about five years ago, my friend and I had dinner at the Waterfront. Afterwards, went in a department store to browse around and kill some time. I must have had a lot to drink, because I had to use the restroom right away. (Keep in mind that it wasn’t alcohol I’d been drinking… I think).

I went into the first available stall and, well, did my thing. Relieved, I turned around and strutted out the stall toward the sink only to find… a girl washing her hands! “What is she doing in the men’s room?” I thought. Then that sinking feeling came over me. I was in the women’s room.

By this time I felt much smaller than I already was. I had to get out of there quickly, but I still had to wash my hands. (I may be dumb, but I’m certainly not unsanitary.)

I approached the sink next to the girl washing her hands. I didn’t look at her, but I could feel her looking at me. “Looks like I’m in the wrong restroom,” I said to her, realizing the occupied stalls behind us contained several more women. “This is so embarrassing,” I assured them all as I tore off a wad of paper towels and got the hell out of there.

Looking back, I guess there were a few signs I should have noticed after I missing the obvious one on the door to the restroom. One of which was the lack of urinals. That should have been a dead giveaway.

I’m somewhat embarrassed by this story, but more so for the women in the restroom. I can only imagine what they thought seeing a pair of shoes facing the toilet in the next stall.

The Problem With America

In a nutshell, the problem with America is its citizens. Let me explain…

People are too greedy. They want stuff. They love stuff. They can’t get enough electronics and smart phones with unlimited internet access that cost so much to maintain. However, the cost wouldn’t be a problem if people had the money to pay for the service.

And why don’t they have any money? Because hardly anyone has a job (or career for that matter). And this has to do with the lack of ambition. Hardly anyone is concerned about bettering themselves. This lack of ambition yields lack of motivation, purpose and, most importantly, passion. I mean, what are YOU passionate about? Are you passionate about buying electronics?

I’ve got to hand it to all the marketing departments out there. So many people choose toys over food!

So if people lack passion, motivation, etc, they get stuck with a job they don’t like. They dread going to work every day, and this obviously makes life miserable. And the only way happiness is achieved (or so they think) is to buy more stuff! Isn’t this death cycle obvious?!

And when they’re stuck in a job they hate, they’re usually not very good at it (or at least don’t put their “all” into it) and so they don’t earn as much as they could if they did something they enjoy. And, of course, no money gets you no house.

What it comes down to is priorities. Many of us have the wrong priorities and often go broke trying to live a life we can’t afford. We need more people earning their lifestyle. Many Americans need to set out to do something worthwhile, something they feel is important and let money take the backseat for a while. Because if you’re good at what you do and you’re truly passionate, money will come to you. I honestly believe this.

The secrets:

1. Do what you love.
2. Spend wisely.
3. Save.
4. Enjoy life (not stuff).

Problems solved!

This Just In...

I’ve been lacking something lately. Maybe it’s motivation. Maybe it’s writer’s block. Maybe I’m just stuck in inertia. I’m not sure.

I always have a dozen ideas swimming in my head at any given moment, but I’m also hesitant to act on them. (Not enough time in the day? Is that a good excuse?)

You’ve probably seen my new Gray Collars blog. I’m hoping to use it as a springboard for my book (which I hope to publish while I’m still young and attractive enough to publicize it).

Maybe I should stop writing about writing and actually write. I’m considering returning to fiction (this was the reason I decided to become a writer in the first place). With fiction, you can do anything, go anywhere and be anyone. It’s a good fix for someone in a routine.

I am Not Afraid of Dead Bodies

I am not afraid of dead bodies. I want to make that clear.
Nearly every day, my coworkers will pass my basement office and say things like, “Ohhh. You’re near the morgue. That’s creepy!”

The truth is that it’s not creepy for two reasons. The first is that a morgue is intended to temporarily store the deceased – not the living dead. There’s no one hungry for brains around here.

And second (and probably most importantly) the morgue is no longer a morgue. It’s now used as a storage room for contractors and the maintenance department. The morgue hasn’t been a morgue for years.

So why are so many people afraid of dead bodies and the morgues that house them? Is it an uncomfortable reminder that death catches all?

No Idea About Ikea

Tonight I was lost in the furniture maze known as Ikea. It was Laura’s idea to go there and so I moped along. My feet were throbbing five minutes after we walked through the entrance and I needed a break.

“Hold on,” I say to Laura, “I want to see what’s on the menu.” So she looks at some gizmo while I take a few steps toward the Swedish meatball cafeteria (or whatever they call it).

“Ah,” I say to myself. “Still got those meatballs.” When I turn around, Laura is gone! (In retrospect, I think she took advantage of the 30 seconds it took for me to turn around and glance at the meatball menu. She knew I would complain the whole time.)

So I start walking that stupid path with the arrows, hoping to find her. She couldn’t have gone far, right? And of course everyone’s stopping along the path, admiring the Hoobeenfartens and the Halfabargans and I can’t get through! So I cut through a few of those “secret paths” between departments. (In fact, I’m not sure Ikea is divided by departments. It’s more organized like a mess.)

Anyway, I’m cutting through paths nearly everywhere I see one and before I know it, I’m lost. Laura is nowhere to be found and I’ve seen the same people three times. And I know I wasn’t going in circles since the place is not designed that way. I’m pretty sure I was walking in triangles.

I eventually returned to the entrance and headed out the door. I had enough of the rat maze. I would meet up with Laura later, after I went to Toys R Us. (I had more fun there.)

Two Goals: More Exercise and Increase Sitting

And by “sitting,” I mean writing. It’s really hard to walk and write. I’ve tried.

It’s always a challenge for me to write when the weather is nice, but I want, no, need to make a solid effort to post more often. And, more importantly, I need to define a theme. These posts have been somewhat arbitrary with no real sense of direction, and I’m sick of it!

In fact I may have to create a whole new blog at this point… with a title that defines the theme… the theme that may or may not exist.

This blog dates back to 2007 and, in my opinion, has nothing substantial to offer. And lately I’m posting at an average of once a month! Am I for real with a post once a month? Sounds like I’m still at the wannabe status. If I’m really a writer, I need to step it up.

You may recall the post from January 17 when I considered turning this into a blog about education and social class struggles that I face every day. This is still a possibility as it consumes my everyday life.

Laura will be taking a mini vacation with her sister in a week or so. This would be a great time to let loose and define this (or another) blog.

So I’m going to attempt to get more exercise while sitting on my butt and writing every day. It just has to be a part of my daily routine.

Stay posted.

A Beautiful Book

A colleague of mine has just published her first book, Operation Beautiful. I was so excited to grab a copy that I found my hands pressed to my mouth in anticipation as the sales associate led me to the self help section. I must have looked like a freak, but I was lucky to grab the last one. Yes!

Seeing her book gave me such happiness because I too know the dream… the dream of seeing your book on the shelf.

So if you’re reading this, Caitlin Boyle, congratulations on achieving this awesome milestone. You have earned it!

Smoking: Now Cooler Than Ever!

Despite all the negativity surrounding cigarettes and the act of smoking them, people are still puffing their lungs away. Why?

The answer is simple: Smoking is still cool.

Since the dawn of long hair and road trips to California, smoking has been a staple in the movement against The Man. And The Man hates smoking now more than ever. It’s a simple philosophy: Do what The Man does not approve!

So by smoking, one is demonstrating that they simply do not give a [crap] about the system which has successfully made it taboo to smoke – and smoke regular cigarettes! I’m not even referring to that wacky stuff.

Today smoking is banned from restaurants, bars and even certain places outside. There is now such a crackdown on smoking that if someone is going to take a “stand” and “fight the system,” it is almost mandatory to smoke.

In short, smoking is quickly becoming the ultimate act against The Man. Perhaps one day smoking cigarettes will be just as bad as doing heroin.

Bite Me

Now is a fangtastic time to be a vampire in America!

I know it’s been over a month since my last post, but I’ve been caught up in the biggest blood sucking buzz since the West Nile Virus! Unless you’ve been living like a vampire bat in a cave within the last year, you are surely well aware of the “rise” of the living dead. Vampires have gone POP and there’s no stopping them from sucking your wallet dry!

You know what I’m talking about – True Twilight. The girls go crazy for Edward Compton, the lovable yet mysterious vamp whose heart no longer beats yet belongs to Sookie Swan. They met in Forks, Louisiana and plan to get married. But will their love be accepted by Jacob Black and Jason Stackhouse? And what about the threat posed by the red-headed queen, Victoria? She wants to sell Sookie’s blood! Hopefully Sam and Jacob can turn into wolves and attack the queen when she least expects it.

Only time will tell. We’ll just have to watch the third season movie.

Lost in the Library

I think I was taught how to use the library about a dozen or so times throughout my life. And I think three of those instances happened while in college.

I know it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. The library sure has changed over the years. Remember the Dewey Decimal System? (Is that system still in use?) Now, everything’s on a server somewhere and I can only imagine how it sent librarians into a tizzy around the late 90s.

Now that I’m no longer in school, I hardly visit the library. But I was given the opportunity to visit a library in Stowe, Ohio a couple of weeks ago with our friends Kristen, Scott and their four kids. It was a double-promo day. Not only was it “Free Comic Book Saturday” it was also “Walk Around the Parking Lot to Look and Touch a Bunch of Different Vehicles Day.” It was cool to see the kids playing around the parked UPS truck, fire truck, police car and book mobile.

After the kids finished playing with the vehicles, we took them into the library and to the children’s section upstairs to see a bunch of books on display featuring cars, trucks and vehicles that had faces, eyes and human challenges. It was well done!

I think we spent a couple hours in that section piecing together puzzles, playing with the kids and discovering a whole other world. It was a lot of fun – at least for me. It reminded me of the days I used to spend downstairs in the Carnegie Library in Beechview. Those were some of the best times of my life. It was Christmas with every visit.

But after that afternoon with the kids in Stowe, I realized the library is more than just a place to borrow books and do research. It’s a community center. It’s a family center.

The trucks and cars were long gone by the time we left, but we left with a new appreciation for the library and its services. I’m going to make it a point to promote the library more often. And I know a few Pittsburgh neighborhood libraries have been struggling lately, but we as individuals must do what we can to support the library and its programs because a town without a library is… well, it’s not really a town at all.

My First Time

I have to admit – I was nervous at first. But I knew it was something I just had to experience. Sure, I felt uncomfortable doing it in front of everyone, but this was a good opportunity… especially since it was free.

I would occasionally see other people doing it. Sometimes it was in a shopping mall or in a storefront. Yes, it was odd to see people doing it in public (especially since I thought it was more of a personal thing), but I was still very curious. “What does it feel like?” I would ask myself.

Well, I never thought my first time would happen while I was at work. But like I said, it was free and, well, the opportunity was a no-brainer.

I always wanted a girl; don’t ask why. Perhaps I would feel better if a woman did it. I think a guy would be too awkward for me. Luckily, a girl was there – and she was well-experience. Sure, my view was obstructed half the time, but it felt really good. It lasted for about 15 minutes and I left feeling very relaxed.

I think the chair massage helped my lower back. Before I left the Health Fair, the chiropractor’s assistants welcomed me to a free screening at the office. They even gave me a pen! (How did they know I like to write?) :-)

A Modest Man

Tonight I visited a funeral home to pay respect to my best friend’s dad who passed away Saturday night following a rollercoaster battle for his health.

Unfortunately I didn’t know the man very well. But he held himself as a modest man with simple tastes. A family man; the kind of man you don’t see much of anymore.

And although Albert Sr. lived simply, he did not simply live. He helped bring three children into the world and raised them as best he could – which is more than I can say for half of the “baby daddies” out there today.

We can learn a lot from Al Sr. Sometimes being “an ordinary man” makes one extraordinary difference.

My Challenge

It's been almost a month since I've posted anything, but it's been very difficult to sit in front of the computer while the weather has been so nice.

But stay tuned because there is more on the way!

Thanks for reading :-)

When It Rains, My Wallet Pours

Before settling into bed on Wednesday night, I used the bathroom in the dark. I flushed the toilet and started to wash my hands. Suddenly, the sound of rushing water grew louder – and it wasn’t coming from the spout. I threw the light switch to find the toilet had become a fountain with water flowing everywhere.

“Help!” I yelled for Laura who was already dozing off. “Water! Everywhere! Coming out!” All I could muster was sentence fragments. There was no time for full or complex sentence sat this point. Every second meant the world.

Laura shot from the bed and ran to the garage for the plunger (a terrible place to keep it, in my opinion). By the time she brought the plunger to me, the water was already a half inch deep on the bathroom floor. I tried to shut the water off at the toilet, but it wasn’t working!

“It’s raining in the basement!” Laura said as she threw the plunger to me. “What?! Raining?!” I stopped trying to turn the water off and ran downstairs to see a steady rain in the basement.
I threw open the door to the closet beneath the stairs and reached for the main water valve. I didn’t know which way to turn it. Righty tighty, lefty loosey? Is that the saying? Huh? What? Where?

“You have to call someone now!” I yell-whine. My eyebrows are floating over my head at this point.
“Who do I call? It’s midnight!”
“They’re 24 hours Laura, you can call whenever!”
“I’m not calling anyone now!”
“You HAVE to!”

This was getting us nowhere, so I tightened the valve to the right and I heard the water shut off. It continued to rain in the basement – but why?

It took a second to realize that the water was leaking from the bathroom floor and into the basement. So I ran into the garage to get the wet/dry vacuum -- forgetting I had left a bunch of dirty water inside for a few months or so. Since Laura’s car was in the garage, I had to lift the vacuum over my head, allowing the rank water to drip onto me (and the car).

I pushed the stupid vacuum up the dumb stairs and into the dim-witted bathroom only to find very little water remaining on the floor. This made sense because all that water was seeping through the floor and into the basement thanks to the worthless grout around the stupid green tile! Stupid, crappy grout job!

In the end, the tiles in the bathroom were looser than ever with more grout coming up, nearly a dozen ceiling tiles in the basement were soaked and needed replaced, and the carpet (along with many of our personal items) were left soaked and slightly stained. Several items had to be thrown away.

And now, I am stuck with the task of replacing the ceiling tile; cutting them into different triangles and lengths. It will be the ultimate test of my “manhood” as I attempt another home improvement project. (Heck, I face a challenge every time I try to apply caulk to the bathtub!)

It’s taken me a long time to admit that I’m not handy simply because I’m embarrassed to admit it. Growing up, my Dad was always useful around the house. He was able to successfully complete anything he attempted – whether it was replacing a bathroom counter, installing a new sink or even mounting a new faucet in the backyard – he was able to do it all. Whenever he started a new project, he would ask me to “help” him. We all knew I was just a flashlight holder, but it was through these projects where Dad taught me how to do things around the house for myself.

Now I have my own home and I know next to nothing about it. Earlier today, I bought a 500 + page book on home improvements and repairs. I browsed through it at the store, admiring its illustrations, diagrams and well designed layout. I just hope I can look beyond the book as a writer and designer and actually apply its lessons.

(This post may evolve into an essay.)

My Sister Lives Online

It seems as though I can no longer contact my sister… unless I sit in front of the computer all day. I try to call just to talk and catch up, but she never answers her phone and rarely returns my messages. I’ve been trying to call for three weeks now with no success. It looks like the only way I’m going to hear from her is if I get one of those all-inclusive mobile devices that cost over a hundred dollars to operate each month.

But this behavior is apparently becoming more the norm. You may experience this yourself when someone on your “friends list” lets you know that there are just way too many blankets filling his or her closet. Or perhaps YOU are the one filling the “walls” with such worthless jabber. Why do we need to know these things?

I’m trying very hard not to simply whine about the lack of communication skills in our society, but I just have to say that if you’re going to write little notes about everything you do and what you’re thinking, then please do so coherently. Please check your spelling. Please check your tenses. Please know the elements of a complete sentence. Without them, you come off as uneducated and, in my opinion, a waste of potential intellect.

Call me old school, but I think friends and nuclear family members should talk on the phone and not wait around for the latest update. Where has the etiquette gone?

And I’m well aware that I’m sharing this information online. Well, it’s just about the only way I have a chance of being “heard” today.

Thanks for the Memories, February

As the month and snow slowly disappear, I think back to those few weeks of uncertainty that nearly brought the Mid Atlantic to a halt. I recall getting up and shoveling. Barely getting to work. Having an eight hour anxiety attack as I wondered how I would get home from work. Barely getting home. Shoveling before I went to bed.

Sure, this is still in the minds and driveways of a lot of us, but this month of struggles is melting away. And although I had an adventure every day, there is one that stands out from the rest. It is a tale of determination, motivation and the human spirit.

Let us begin…

It was one of those evenings when I was barely getting home. Leon the Neon was barely getting up any slight grades, but every inch I gained was another inch closer to home. So when I finally slid into my driveway, I came to the realization that I was snowed out. To make a long explanation slightly shorter, I did not have the garage door opener and the screen door to the front was locked (and I had no key). The only option I had was to go through the back door – which was barricaded by several feet of snow. And to get into the backyard, I had to scale a six foot mountain of snow that I had created during one of my “shoveling events.”

Luckily I had my boots with me in the car, so I strapped them on, tucked in the cuffs of my paper-thin pants and started up the mountain. After the first step, I realized the snow was up to my pelvis. Here we go.

So I trudged on through until I reached the gate, which wouldn’t budge for all the snow. So I had no choice but to jump it. With a mighty heave, I lifted myself over the fence, swinging my legs wide to the right as if I was running from the law. I landed on my feet – but into a fresh pile of snow.

Once in the backyard of virgin snow, I had to push extra hard. I climbed each snow-filled step to the top of the deck, pushed through more snow until I reached the door, where I ran into yet another problem – no shovel.

So before my thin wet pants froze to my legs, I started digging into the snow like a dog – using my paws – I mean hands – to push it away. Once I had a clear path, I tore off the ice cycles that encaged my house and was able to successfully open the door. And yes, I DID have my house key.

It was… fun, but it’s almost over now.

Or is it?

Tune in next week to find out!

It Hits The Fan

If you’re from the Pittsburgh area (and regularly listen to FM radio), you know that 93.7 FM (also known as B-94) has disappeared once again. In its place is a station called “The Fan,” which consists entirely of talk radio, which actually isn’t a big deal to me. I like talk. I like sharing ideas. But in this case, it’s not just any talk radio. “The Fan” is SPORTS talk radio.

If you know me, then you know my opinion on organized sports. (I have guys come up to me and just start talking sports while I have no idea what they’re talking about.) But how much sports can one talk about? Someone told me that the DJs talked about the recent Pitt basketball game for an hour! And when the DJs ran out of sports to talk about, they took calls from people actually listening to the banter to get their opinions!

Today was only the first day “The Fan” hit the airwaves. I wonder what others are saying…

There's Snow Place Like Home

Pennsylvania was in a state of emergency after receiving nearly two feet of snow throughout Friday night and into Saturday morning. We were all victim to a continuous snowfall that just pounded the area. If you’re living in Pennsylvania, you know the story.

And if you’ve lived in Pennsylvania nearly 17 years ago, you would know that this storm is comparable to the infamous “Blizzard of ‘93” where strong winds created neat little “snow dunes” throughout the area. A little over two feet fell during that blizzard, but some are saying that this year’s snowfall tops ’93’s simply because it came all at once (compared to ’93 when the snow accumulated over a few days -- taking it’s time like my niece as she attempts to eat three green beans).

Although the white stuff came fast, it brought the area to an economic halt. Nearly every store was closed, thus creating an instant holiday! Shopaholics were out of luck. It was nice to stay home. It was nice to shovel the driveway with my wife, and it was nice to take photos of each other outside, and it was… well, it was all very nice.

And even though many of us (including myself) struggled to either fill shifts or travel home, it was a blessing to spend a day or two without going out and being bombarded with the billboards, restaurants and mobile gadgets that make today’s America. Unfortunately it took a state-wide emergency for some of us to realize this.

Perhaps a few more snow falls like this and everyone will once again appreciate life away from the noise. It’s just too damn loud anymore.

The Predicament

They call me The Predicament. I’m borderline mentally challenged, but I look really good. At night, I like to walk around Jersey shore carnivals with dimwits who look a lot like me. We make fun of people who ain’t like us. We’re tan, tone and tacky. Sometimes we fight people. I run more oil through my hair than I do across my bread while I eat spaghetti. The “Jersey Shore” show inspired me to bring out all the dumb Italian that I have. Do you have any Italian in you? Do you want some, baby?



That’s what I would probably say if I was succumbing to this invasion of “The Jersey Shore.” It looks as though New Jersey is shaping up to be the new West Virginia (if it hasn’t already).

But while everyone “makes fun” of this group and their now famous “fist-pumping” and stupid nicknames, it’s only a matter of time before people start to adopt this behavior as their own.
I saw this same thing happen in high school. The “skater kids” made fun of rap and “thug life” so much that it became their norm. They listened to rap and started to talk “gangsta” talk. I laughed at them every day, for they became what they had once stood against. Dumb kids totally under the influence… of the media.

So when I see these people punching the air like half-ass Arsenio Halls, I’m taken back to the high school confusion of teasing a culture and eventually accepting it.

Jeez… you don’t think anyone will accept this, do you?

The Name of the Game

My wife, Laura, participated in commencement yesterday and received her long-awaited Master’s Degree with a concentration in non-profit management. During the months leading up to the day, Laura was waffling over the idea of going through the whole ceremony. She saw it as a waste of money to buy a cap, gown and hood that she would wear only once. (As if “wearing it only once” was a real excuse. I mean, what about that expensive wedding dress?)

So after much debate (and after I wrote a check for the regalia), Laura decided to go through with it. Sure it was a pain in the ass to find parking in Oakland, but it’s not every day that you graduate… with a Master’s. I’m just so very proud of her!

“Education is the name of the game,” is what my grandfather used to tell me. And it’s true. Education can really enhance your life, but not too many people know (or at least admit) that education can also distance you from others – sometimes creating an economic and/or social gap. This is an idea I’ve been exploring for a few years now and it’s the basis for the book I hope to write one day.

I would like to explore this and other theories on education in future posts. Perhaps this is the direction I’m heading.

With Bells On

Today, I overheard someone say they will be at work tomorrow… with bells on. I thought, "I too intend to come to work with my bells on," but they are currently at the cleaners. I’m hoping to have them back before Monday.

Okay, that wasn’t funny, but it was, of course, poking fun at an old cliché – and I was disappointed when I couldn’t find the phrase in the Dictionary of Clichés (by James Rogers). It’s a neat little reference that explains the origins of those tired sayings. I definitely recommend it to anyone who considers themselves a wordsmith.

Tic Tok -- Your 15 Are Almost Up!

Has anyone heard that “Tik Tok” song from the artist currently known as Kesha? If not, let me sum it up for you: It’s a song about partying all day, every day while being busted by police and making out with guys who look like Mick Jagger. The music video begins with her waking up in a bathtub in a strange house and ends with her passing out in another.

I heard that she bad-mouthed Domino’s Pizza for some reason or another. Perhaps they wouldn’t sponsor her. She released a statement, “effing” the company all over the place. Domino’s released their own statement which said something to the point of “We bet her parents are really proud…” and that her “fifteen minutes are almost up.” (Can anyone verify this or is this just a rumor?)

I certainly hope so. Between this one and Brittany Spears’ threesome song on rotation, it seems that Skank Pop is the genre of the new decade. (I like that term – Skank Pop. I hereby coin the genre.)

See this crap for yourself. It's NOT a parody... at least I don't think it is.

Am I Out of (iPod) Touch?

While reading the November 2009 issue of Glamour (yes, I read it), I came across a section called “Couple Cam” which allows couples to share their latest romantic move. Duane and Pamela (who had been dating for two months when the magazine went to print) said:

Pamela: Every day I kiss him, hug him, hold his hand. The whole experience is pure romance.
Duane: And I just gave her an engraved iPod touch.
Pamela: He did! It says, “To a True Blessing, Pamela.”

What’s the matter with you, Duane? You bought her what may be the fanciest mobile device on the market – and you had it personalized with an engraving – after two months of dating? Doesn’t that say “desperate” and “shallow” all over it?

Has anyone else ever done this? Again, I may be out of touch, but this is a bit over the top.