Myron Cope

I was saddened to learn that Myron Cope, broadcaster/writer, passed away early this morning. I admired him as a writer and performer.

Call me egotistical, but there were quite a few similarities between Mr. Cope and myself. We graduated from The University of Pittsburgh, yearning to become writers (and having a difficult time selling our work). He was famous for his eccentric personality and I’m…well… infamous for mine!

I had the honor of meeting Myron at The University of Pittsburgh’s Bookstore at a book signing of his memoir Double Yoi!. I waited in line for the longest time but I didn’t care (and I absolutely hate lines). When I was the fourth person in line, I could hear Myron asking those ahead of me if they were Steeler fans. I began to think, “Oh great, he’s going to write something about the Steelers in my book.”

When it was my turn to share a moment with Myron, I was surprised that he did not mention anything about the Steelers! It was as if he knew I was there solely for the admiration of his career – of someone who took their writing skills to the next level and beyond. Without saying much of anything, Myron wrote on the inside of my book:

To Jon –

Thanks for wanting to share my experiences. I hope you enjoy these pages.

Myron Cope

He was a truly unique man, which made for an awesome broadcaster, writer and entertainer.

Thanks, Myron, for your inspiration.

Goo-ru

I’ve been discharging thick brown ooze from my mouth for the last few days. It tastes like infection.

The other day it felt as if the ooze was going to explode through my ears each time I swallowed. My head was filled with the brown and it hurt.

As I drove home from work the other day, the brown had reached my ears, thus clogging them. I tried feverishly to pop my ears while maneuvering traffic – opening my mouth wide as if I was trying to yawn. I did this several times in succession. To onlookers I must have looked like I was having a psychotic episode, biting at an invisible fairy that only I could see.

When I reached the driveway, I squeezed my nose and blew – a last-ditch effort to clear my head. This relieved some of the pressure with a good squeak, but totally clogged my left ear to the point where I could hardly hear anything through it.

I stumbled into the house, a little off balance since my equilibrium was off. I warmed up a microwave heating pad full of beans to help melt the brown gunk clogging my left ear.

I then laid down for a very short nap with my head on top of the bean-filled pad only to wake up with my ear still out of commission. This sent me into a brief panic to the point where I placed the bean bag into the microwave for another two minutes. Meanwhile, I panicked a little more and shoved a granola bar into my face.

When the two minutes were up, the entire house smelled like roasted beans, which then started to make me nauseous. I tried to lie on the bag once more only to burn my face. It was really hot!

Shortly after this brief but powerful episode, Laura came home and suggested that we make a visit to Med Express on Greentree Road.

For those of you unfamiliar with Med Express, let me just say that it’s a convenient little doctor’s office that accepts walk-ins until 9:00 PM. Emergencies are their specialty, but they do not charge Emergency Room rates! Go, Med Express!

To make an unnecessarily long story slightly shorter, the doctor’s diagnosis proved my original theory. I had an infection. She prescribed some penicillin and ear drops and sent me on my merry way.

I took off work today to try and catch my balance – and it was worth it. I haven’t tried to enhance my hearing through ear-popping since last night (at least not as enthusiastically).

Wise Guys

I have a couple of wise guys in my mouth. They’re my wisdom teeth, silly!

That’s right. I have two wisdom teeth coming in from the top and they’re scheduled for extraction this Friday, and I’m nearly having a panic attack over the whole ordeal. I’ve already had two nightmares about it.

Since the initial consultation with the oral surgeon, I’ve been in a downward spiral of doubt and fear – especially after I found out that I would be lightly sedated via an IV. Now, the lightly sedated part was my idea, but I was hoping for nitrous oxide or “goofy gas” to do the trick. I’ve never had an IV before and the idea freaks me out. The surgeon tried to set my mind at ease.

“Have you ever had an IV before?”
No.
“Have you given blood before?”
No.
“Okay.”

He was unable to explain the IV experience, but apparently it’s like giving blood (something else I can’t bring myself to do).

Every other minute, I whine to Laura about my “struggle” and she does her best to set my mind at ease. She puts the whole thing into perspective by reminding me that I have to get them out of my head to avoid any potential infections or crooked teeth. It’s true – I don’t want to look like a horse in our wedding photos.

I have no idea as to why I’m such a sissy. I was so much braver at 17 when I had my bottom wisdom teeth removed.

I’m such a tooth fairy.