The Predicament

They call me The Predicament. I’m borderline mentally challenged, but I look really good. At night, I like to walk around Jersey shore carnivals with dimwits who look a lot like me. We make fun of people who ain’t like us. We’re tan, tone and tacky. Sometimes we fight people. I run more oil through my hair than I do across my bread while I eat spaghetti. The “Jersey Shore” show inspired me to bring out all the dumb Italian that I have. Do you have any Italian in you? Do you want some, baby?



That’s what I would probably say if I was succumbing to this invasion of “The Jersey Shore.” It looks as though New Jersey is shaping up to be the new West Virginia (if it hasn’t already).

But while everyone “makes fun” of this group and their now famous “fist-pumping” and stupid nicknames, it’s only a matter of time before people start to adopt this behavior as their own.
I saw this same thing happen in high school. The “skater kids” made fun of rap and “thug life” so much that it became their norm. They listened to rap and started to talk “gangsta” talk. I laughed at them every day, for they became what they had once stood against. Dumb kids totally under the influence… of the media.

So when I see these people punching the air like half-ass Arsenio Halls, I’m taken back to the high school confusion of teasing a culture and eventually accepting it.

Jeez… you don’t think anyone will accept this, do you?

The Name of the Game

My wife, Laura, participated in commencement yesterday and received her long-awaited Master’s Degree with a concentration in non-profit management. During the months leading up to the day, Laura was waffling over the idea of going through the whole ceremony. She saw it as a waste of money to buy a cap, gown and hood that she would wear only once. (As if “wearing it only once” was a real excuse. I mean, what about that expensive wedding dress?)

So after much debate (and after I wrote a check for the regalia), Laura decided to go through with it. Sure it was a pain in the ass to find parking in Oakland, but it’s not every day that you graduate… with a Master’s. I’m just so very proud of her!

“Education is the name of the game,” is what my grandfather used to tell me. And it’s true. Education can really enhance your life, but not too many people know (or at least admit) that education can also distance you from others – sometimes creating an economic and/or social gap. This is an idea I’ve been exploring for a few years now and it’s the basis for the book I hope to write one day.

I would like to explore this and other theories on education in future posts. Perhaps this is the direction I’m heading.

With Bells On

Today, I overheard someone say they will be at work tomorrow… with bells on. I thought, "I too intend to come to work with my bells on," but they are currently at the cleaners. I’m hoping to have them back before Monday.

Okay, that wasn’t funny, but it was, of course, poking fun at an old cliché – and I was disappointed when I couldn’t find the phrase in the Dictionary of Clichés (by James Rogers). It’s a neat little reference that explains the origins of those tired sayings. I definitely recommend it to anyone who considers themselves a wordsmith.

Tic Tok -- Your 15 Are Almost Up!

Has anyone heard that “Tik Tok” song from the artist currently known as Kesha? If not, let me sum it up for you: It’s a song about partying all day, every day while being busted by police and making out with guys who look like Mick Jagger. The music video begins with her waking up in a bathtub in a strange house and ends with her passing out in another.

I heard that she bad-mouthed Domino’s Pizza for some reason or another. Perhaps they wouldn’t sponsor her. She released a statement, “effing” the company all over the place. Domino’s released their own statement which said something to the point of “We bet her parents are really proud…” and that her “fifteen minutes are almost up.” (Can anyone verify this or is this just a rumor?)

I certainly hope so. Between this one and Brittany Spears’ threesome song on rotation, it seems that Skank Pop is the genre of the new decade. (I like that term – Skank Pop. I hereby coin the genre.)

See this crap for yourself. It's NOT a parody... at least I don't think it is.

Am I Out of (iPod) Touch?

While reading the November 2009 issue of Glamour (yes, I read it), I came across a section called “Couple Cam” which allows couples to share their latest romantic move. Duane and Pamela (who had been dating for two months when the magazine went to print) said:

Pamela: Every day I kiss him, hug him, hold his hand. The whole experience is pure romance.
Duane: And I just gave her an engraved iPod touch.
Pamela: He did! It says, “To a True Blessing, Pamela.”

What’s the matter with you, Duane? You bought her what may be the fanciest mobile device on the market – and you had it personalized with an engraving – after two months of dating? Doesn’t that say “desperate” and “shallow” all over it?

Has anyone else ever done this? Again, I may be out of touch, but this is a bit over the top.